Dick's Discharge

Drummer Dick's Discharge - Beatrix M De Burgh


Nothing to worry about here. The discharge in question is an honourable discharge from the British Armed Forces.


Also by the same author Terry: The Troops Horse.
Unfortunately neither is still in print but if you should happen to find a copy of Dick's Discharge be sure to snap it up. Better than a dose of penicillin any day of the week!


Terry, the Troop-horse ... Illustrated by E. Stuart Hardy

Drummer Dick's Discharge

...And with out an embarrassing discharge 

Talking Fish!

Fish Who Answer the Telephone and Other Studies in Experimental Biology - Yury Petrovich Frolov


Written in 1937 this title leads one to the assumption that Mr Frolov didn't have a lot else on that year. I think this is what happens when scientists have far to much time on their hands. The study in the title was not in fact to determine if fish could answer the phone but whether they found a constantly ringing telephone irritating.
Apparently they do!




Fish Who Answer the Telephone: And Other Studies in Experimental Biology

Other more recent studies documented in 'Popular Science' have concluded that.

• Gun owners are more likely to shoot people
• Far away objects are harder to see
• Swallowing magnets can be dangerous
• Memory fades with age
• Bears sh*t in woods
• Pope wears daft hat

Is He Called Damien?

How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is the Antichrist (and if he is, should you break up with him?) - Patricia Carlin


There are 70 identified types inside to help the cautious  Juliette find her Romeo and know which ones to give the Ole Spanish Archer (el bow) to.

• Married with Children
• A cult leader
• A player
• A gun nut
• A hit man
• A renegade cop
• An extraterrestrial (clutching at straws here I think!)

My guess would be to check for cloven hooves and the sulphurous odour of rotten eggs.

 Markings of this kind should be considered 
a 'Deal Breaker'

Chinglish!

Correctly English in Hundred Days - Correctly English Society


Ahh Chinglish (or Engrish if you prefer), a fond memory of time spent in Asia.
Although this volume has long since gone out of print stunning examples can be found all over the net and in book form


Chinglish


Chinglish2

Chinglish, Found in Translation

Wise words mate!

Lesbian Hair

The History of Lesbian Hair - Mary Dugger


Lesbianism in pie charts, bar graphs and snide haircuts.
Contains a neat section on eyebrows too!

"Give me angry Roger!!"

Crazy Buttocks

Living with Crazy Buttocks - Kaz Cooke


Until I saw the cover picture I thought this might be Ms Cooke's account of living with Sitting Bull's lesser known cousin Crazy Buttocks.
If only life were that sweet. To be fair I had no idea what was between the covers but to be honest with a title like that who cares. I did a little research though.


"Living with Crazy Buttocks is the true story of Mary Anne O'Keefe, a New York Socialite who leaves a world of 1930's cocktail parties to travel in the native american heartland of the western USA"


Turns out I was almost right after all!!

Crazy ass buttocks

F*ck Yeah

English as a Second F*cking Language - Sterling Johnson


In Britain we use swearing like punctuation. This book covers the top 7 that for so long were banned on TV. Cork Sucker, Mother Farger, Icehole, Bastige, Cant, Teats and of course You Fargin Icehole!
For a more comprehensive view and hilarious collection though try Roger's Profanisaurus: Das Krapital

Wherever profanity is chronicled Roger Mellie (the man on the telly)
should of course get a mention